They say time waits for no one, but I’ve convinced it to take several coffee breaks with me.
As a certified procrastination consultant (certification pending for the last three years), I’ve mastered the subtle art of task avoidance while maintaining the appearance of productivity.
Step 1: Declare your intention to start the task immediately after checking email. Proceed to fall into a two-hour internet rabbit hole about why flamingos stand on one leg.
Step 2: Create an elaborate organization system for the task. Color-code everything. Alphabetize your references. By the time you’re done, it’s clearly too late to start the actual work.
Step 3: Tell everyone how busy you are. Sigh dramatically when asked about your progress. Remember: perceived effort is inversely proportional to actual accomplishment.
I’d write more tips, but I’ll finish this post tomorrow. Or next week. Definitely before the deadline. Probably.